How to become a black belt in coaching …
It would appear that there are lots of consultants these days – becoming coaches. So what is the difference? And can a consultant be a coach and vice versa.
To understand the question – we first need to look at the definition.
Mentoring (along with consulting) is advising. Coaching is questioning.
Perhaps one of the most famous mentoring relationships can be found in the series Kung Fu – where a younger David Carradine played the “adult Caine”. As a young child Caine was called “young grasshopper” by his teacher who was blind. Caine was an 11yr old half American and half Chinese orphan who entered the very sacred Temple of Shaolin and exited as an adult monk of mystic and martial art master.
Young Caine(David Carradine) and Master Po(Keye Luke)
When you advise, mentor or consult – you are the expert. You come from a position of superiority.
It should be noted however that the mentor – Master Po in the Kung Fu series also coached by asking thought provoking questions.
Master Po: [after easily defeating the boy in combat] Ha, ha, never assume because a man has no eyes he cannot see. Close your eyes. What do you hear?
Young Caine: I hear the water, I hear the birds.
Master Po: Do you hear your own heartbeat?
Young Caine: No.
Master Po: Do you hear the grasshopper that is at your feet?
Young Caine: [looking down and seeing the insect] Old man, how is it that you hear these things?
Master Po: Young man, how is it that you do not?
Is it more powerful to ask questions or to give answers?
An effective coach – as well as an effective mentor – need to provide both thought provoking questions and answers.
However asking questions which causes the party to think deeply, creating answers they believe in and motivate them to act on their ideas is not as easy as it sounds.
Do not confuse coaching with a therapist who asks their patients – “So how did that make you feel?” at every opportunity. A coach should instinctively know when to provide the answer – however should do so through examples.
A black belt coach should rarely provide the answers. They will expertly help steer the conversation with their client so that they reach the answer.
Business coaching is a very specific skill. Knowing how to ask a question requires practice and patience. It also requires a lot of restraint by the coach not to jump in with the “obvious” answer. It requires the coach to be 100% present for the person being coached and have advanced active listening skills.
A consultant is trained to provide the answers – not the questions. Their discipline is coming to the owner of a business or manager of a department with the solution.
While I don’t disagree that consultants cannot coach – they need specific training to become great coaches.
So if you are interviewing coaches – this is something that should help you gauge how good they are.
- Did they ask great, thought provoking questions?
- Did you feel like they were actively listening to your answers (nodding their head, great eye contact)?
- Did they try not to monopolize the conversation?
- When you presented a particular business problem or challenge – did they jump straight in and give you the answer?
For most owners weighing up a potential business coach can be confusing. The consulting profession has been around a lot longer – and you could wonder what are you paying a coach for?
A coach will help you grow as a manager, leader, owner of a business much more profoundly than a consultant.
Why?
Simply put a coach will help you understand the lesson -so that when the same or similar lesson presents itself in your business life you will instinctively know how to deal with it.
Coaching Questions Book
A great book on coaching questions I recommend is Coaching Questions; A coach’s guide to powerful asking skills by Tony Stoltzfus. Some of the questions are very specific for life coaching – however the advice in this book if followed will help you become a much better coach. Like the Greek philosopher Epictetus once said “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”
Finally a final quote from David Carradine in the series “Kung Fu” …
Caine: I seek not to know the answers, but to understand the questions.
RIP David Carradine
